Is there such a thing? Is it really a problem that I know think in terms of ‘paint’, ‘death drops’ and ‘tucks’? I know it ain’t a problem that I am feeling all the sass that comes with it. I actually finger snapped at my partner yesterday.
The weird thing about being unhappy and living in Negativity Land is that you quickly get used to it. It becomes the ‘normal’ of your life, underpinning everything with just a twinge of bad that means you can’t fully enjoy anything. It becomes irrelevant and cursory.
I used to think that I wouldn’t settle for anything less than perfect. That I deserved nothing less, because by Jaysus do I put a lot of freaking effort into loving and being loveable. That being said, my relationship is indeed gorgeous even though its not perfect. Let’s dissect why it took so long for my pea brain to comprehend that.
Last week I took the pre-emptive step of taking this coming Monday off work, to create what I am thinking of as my ‘Mental Health Weekend’. To try and get myself back to that happy go lucky loving life and everything about it mindset.
Ive come to believe that women…and men, have been trapped in this wheel of shame and self-blame that no one likes to talk about.
Why is it that I thought that every aspect of my life needed to be so meaningful? So serious? So life-alteringly complex. Some moments are just moments. Just there to be lived in. Enjoyed. Made fun of.
Have you ever come across a concept or a thought, in like a movie or a novel, that stays with you far longer than the plot or the characters? It’s been about 5 years since I read The Witch of Portobello and while I couldn’t recount it save for the major plot points, there is a concept I came across in the novel that I can’t stop thinking about.
When I got that tattoo, dude I realised that the opinions of others over my own body are worthless. I’m marked now with a permanent fixture that reflects back so much love and understanding…
Now don’t get me wrong – I am not a garbage heap of a person – but I recognise that there are parts about myself that are not necessarily conducive to my own happiness. So they have to go. Or I need to get better at dealing with them.
Or accept them altogether.
2020 has come to a close and lets think about anything other than resolutions and workout plans. Please.