I’ve finally learnt that life is not about getting all the answers you want but about enjoying the process of thinking about them.
I think I stand with a lot of people when I say that the past year has brought around a lot of internal change for me. Well, to be honest, a lot of external change as well.
I’m tired. I am so tired of being made to feel lesser, emotionless, short-sighted, naïve, young, stupid, thoughtless…just because I don’t want to have children. Boom. There it is.
Why is that such a difficult sentence to put out onto the internet? Even now I’m dreading any comments that may come up trying to convince me of my non-ethical ways.
Why is it that I thought that every aspect of my life needed to be so meaningful? So serious? So life-alteringly complex. Some moments are just moments. Just there to be lived in. Enjoyed. Made fun of.
I’ve spoken about therapy before here and hello – I’m about to again. I freaking LOVE what I got from therapy. All I needed was some reframing of my mindset and it felt like life wasn’t actually so bad. That I didn’t need to be weighed down by my past and my own doubts. Those are all feelings that I can control.
So now I’m realising that my experience as a human being is not necessarily determined by me, and it makes me upset. I like to have control, we all do, but this is uncontrollable. This is the course of history. This is the progression of humanity.
Have you ever come across a concept or a thought, in like a movie or a novel, that stays with you far longer than the plot or the characters? It’s been about 5 years since I read The Witch of Portobello and while I couldn’t recount it save for the major plot points, there is a concept I came across in the novel that I can’t stop thinking about.
Believe me when I say I am head over freaking heels for the written word. So in my love-drunk stupor, I had a thought about language that frankly blows my little brain.
This week I’ve been thinking about living in America vs. my childhood in South Africa. The fundamental difference – The American Dream.
I mean also…location, mentality, just about almost everything… but lets focus on the American Dream, shall we?
When I got that tattoo, dude I realised that the opinions of others over my own body are worthless. I’m marked now with a permanent fixture that reflects back so much love and understanding…