I understand that not everyone is going to think the same thing when it comes to the big labels. But what frustrates me is the fact that these things have to be categorized so rigidly in the first place and then when your experience is different from the ‘typical’ affliction, you are an outlier and then it is more difficult being understood.
I used to think that I wouldn’t settle for anything less than perfect. That I deserved nothing less, because by Jaysus do I put a lot of freaking effort into loving and being loveable. That being said, my relationship is indeed gorgeous even though its not perfect. Let’s dissect why it took so long for my pea brain to comprehend that.
Before I fell off the face of the earth – I wrote about trying to wade my way through the Big Sad – and things I was trying to do to remain in control while my emotions spiralled.
I am interested in how we feel it and in fact, how we feel about it. Because I’m so f**king scared of pain, even though I’ve lived through all kinds of it and I live well. I’m at peace, but is it the strange sort of peace that sits on a frozen pond? Will it sink to the depths with the changing seasons?
We got little Dan from the SPCA about 3 months ago, when he was a shy, teary-eyed little boy. He was afraid of everything, he had health problems as a kitten and couldn’t trust anybody, he broke my heart.
This year, I really started appreciating the people around me, in my life and subsequently where I’ve gotten in this 23 years of occupying space.
I’ve finally learnt that life is not about getting all the answers you want but about enjoying the process of thinking about them.
I think I stand with a lot of people when I say that the past year has brought around a lot of internal change for me. Well, to be honest, a lot of external change as well.
I’m tired. I am so tired of being made to feel lesser, emotionless, short-sighted, naïve, young, stupid, thoughtless…just because I don’t want to have children. Boom. There it is.
Why is that such a difficult sentence to put out onto the internet? Even now I’m dreading any comments that may come up trying to convince me of my non-ethical ways.
I’ve spoken about therapy before here and hello – I’m about to again. I freaking LOVE what I got from therapy. All I needed was some reframing of my mindset and it felt like life wasn’t actually so bad. That I didn’t need to be weighed down by my past and my own doubts. Those are all feelings that I can control.