Now I knew it would be hard. I sit at my computer for most of the day, having a desk job. Covid has meant that I only need to journey form one room to the other to get my work done, I have about 2 friends so best believe I’m not out clubbing every evening. I lead a pretty static lifestyle.
As I get older I’m placing more importance on healthy communication. As well as that, I’m realising just how much a simple conversation can make the difference in my whole day.
The issue I have, is that I’ll write too many tasks for the day, the day goes awry and then I feel like a steaming pile of garbage when I haven’t ticked off my eight tasks.
The weird thing about being unhappy and living in Negativity Land is that you quickly get used to it. It becomes the ‘normal’ of your life, underpinning everything with just a twinge of bad that means you can’t fully enjoy anything. It becomes irrelevant and cursory.
I understand that not everyone is going to think the same thing when it comes to the big labels. But what frustrates me is the fact that these things have to be categorized so rigidly in the first place and then when your experience is different from the ‘typical’ affliction, you are an outlier and then it is more difficult being understood.
I used to think that I wouldn’t settle for anything less than perfect. That I deserved nothing less, because by Jaysus do I put a lot of freaking effort into loving and being loveable. That being said, my relationship is indeed gorgeous even though its not perfect. Let’s dissect why it took so long for my pea brain to comprehend that.
Before I fell off the face of the earth – I wrote about trying to wade my way through the Big Sad – and things I was trying to do to remain in control while my emotions spiralled.
I am interested in how we feel it and in fact, how we feel about it. Because I’m so f**king scared of pain, even though I’ve lived through all kinds of it and I live well. I’m at peace, but is it the strange sort of peace that sits on a frozen pond? Will it sink to the depths with the changing seasons?
We got little Dan from the SPCA about 3 months ago, when he was a shy, teary-eyed little boy. He was afraid of everything, he had health problems as a kitten and couldn’t trust anybody, he broke my heart.
This year, I really started appreciating the people around me, in my life and subsequently where I’ve gotten in this 23 years of occupying space.