I am interested in how we feel it and in fact, how we feel about it. Because I’m so f**king scared of pain, even though I’ve lived through all kinds of it and I live well. I’m at peace, but is it the strange sort of peace that sits on a frozen pond? Will it sink to the depths with the changing seasons?
We got little Dan from the SPCA about 3 months ago, when he was a shy, teary-eyed little boy. He was afraid of everything, he had health problems as a kitten and couldn’t trust anybody, he broke my heart.
This year, I really started appreciating the people around me, in my life and subsequently where I’ve gotten in this 23 years of occupying space.
I’ve finally learnt that life is not about getting all the answers you want but about enjoying the process of thinking about them.
I think I stand with a lot of people when I say that the past year has brought around a lot of internal change for me. Well, to be honest, a lot of external change as well.
I’m tired. I am so tired of being made to feel lesser, emotionless, short-sighted, naïve, young, stupid, thoughtless…just because I don’t want to have children. Boom. There it is.
Why is that such a difficult sentence to put out onto the internet? Even now I’m dreading any comments that may come up trying to convince me of my non-ethical ways.
I’ve spoken about therapy before here and hello – I’m about to again. I freaking LOVE what I got from therapy. All I needed was some reframing of my mindset and it felt like life wasn’t actually so bad. That I didn’t need to be weighed down by my past and my own doubts. Those are all feelings that I can control.
So. We adopted a cat.
Believe me when I say I am head over freaking heels for the written word. So in my love-drunk stupor, I had a thought about language that frankly blows my little brain.
I’m surprised I managed to talk about the Afrikaans language, Taylor Swift as well as my poor reputation in high school, but we managed it! Today I’m talking about what I’m deciding is contrarianism. Because for the longest time I seemed to think defaulting to not liking everything would make me ‘cooler’ and protect me from failure.