Sometimes the human brain is a slightly unintelligent, highly sadomasochistic beast.
This year, I really started appreciating the people around me, in my life and subsequently where I’ve gotten in this 23 years of occupying space.
The writing is not spectacular. The pace is fast. Sometimes I want just a bit more detail than I’m gonna get. But man, what a fantastic world. What a fantastic reading experience.
I’ve finally learnt that life is not about getting all the answers you want but about enjoying the process of thinking about them.
I think I stand with a lot of people when I say that the past year has brought around a lot of internal change for me. Well, to be honest, a lot of external change as well.
I’m tired. I am so tired of being made to feel lesser, emotionless, short-sighted, naïve, young, stupid, thoughtless…just because I don’t want to have children. Boom. There it is.
Why is that such a difficult sentence to put out onto the internet? Even now I’m dreading any comments that may come up trying to convince me of my non-ethical ways.
Why is it that I thought that every aspect of my life needed to be so meaningful? So serious? So life-alteringly complex. Some moments are just moments. Just there to be lived in. Enjoyed. Made fun of.
I’ve spoken about therapy before here and hello – I’m about to again. I freaking LOVE what I got from therapy. All I needed was some reframing of my mindset and it felt like life wasn’t actually so bad. That I didn’t need to be weighed down by my past and my own doubts. Those are all feelings that I can control.
So. We adopted a cat.
So now I’m realising that my experience as a human being is not necessarily determined by me, and it makes me upset. I like to have control, we all do, but this is uncontrollable. This is the course of history. This is the progression of humanity.