I have this weird thing about feeling responsible for someone else’s anger.
Anyone else struggle with that? Not just anger, but also disappointment, sadness, anything like that. I’ve known this about myself for a long time. I am a people pleaser. My anxiety mostly stems from avoiding disappointing people at all costs.
But I never truly sat back and thought – ‘this is not the right way.’ I only ever thought of it as an avenue for life, one that I have been placed on, when its actually just me deciding to walk in the wrong direction.
I know it comes from me being an over-achiever. In school I wanted to be the best, impress my parents, my friends, myself. But it was never good enough – at least for myself. So I just sort of settled into this general ‘I’m an average/somewhat shitty person’ mentality for the last six years.
I’m not saying I had some sort of epiphany that made me realise I’m not that bad. I just thought about the whole thing in a new light.
It always comes back to what I learned in therapy – that everything a choice. Everything. Even when it feels like the most natural response in the world, the only one possible, there is always a choice to do something different.
Anyway that brought me to the new mantra I am telling myself whenever I feel that guilt. Am I responsible or regretful? I can be sad that someone is hurt, or angry, or disappointed, but that doesn’t mean I am automatically responsible for their feelings.
In fact, it is their choice to feel that way, not mine. Full freaking circle, huh?
That is all.
Until next time x