As I get older (not too old though, still a baby in her early 20s) I’m placing more importance on healthy communication. As well as that, I’m realising just how much a simple conversation can make the difference in my whole day.
Let’s take yesterday for example. I was having a sort of low-level shitty day, for no particular reason, and by the end of it my partner looked to me and said ‘anything you want to talk about?’ I mean, at that point, not really. Like I said, nothing was wrong or weighing on me, I was just in a funk for the day.
But it got me thinking how easily he came to the conclusion that talking about something that was bothering would make me feel better. I hadn’t really thought that deeply about it (shocking, really) but he’s very correct. I don’t enjoy complaining, it actually makes me feel worse, but I do enjoy discursive dissection of feelings. Have I used those terms right? I just mean I want to talk about the sad – talking about the sad make sad go away.
I guess it shouldn’t have come as a surprise considering how often I talk about my feelings on the internet to strangers (and my mom, hi mom) but this morning it felt like an epiphany. The truth is, when I’m really deep in a negative emotion, I don’t want to talk at all. So that balance is going to be hard to strike.
How does one talk about their feelings when their feelings make them want to take a lifelong vow of silence? I got one solution – and that is supportive people. All you really need is a good listener. But this is harder said than done. I’m an absolutely garbage listener, my brain interjects with perspectives and comments every two seconds while someone is speaking. It’s a curse, and it’s taken me a long time to quell my natural anxious mind in favour of patient listening. I’m still on that journey, ladies and gentlemen.
But I do believe that being a better listener will mean that people will listen to you. At least, the ones that care about you to any degree, you gotta give to get, huh?
The funny thing about this is that I know the next time I’m sad, my first impulse will not be to share my feelings, so I’m not quite sure why I’m preaching this love and communication. I guess maybe I’m verbal vision boarding my communication dreams.
Here’s to being a better communicator.
Until next time x