Hello. It’s me. Hello.
I have been away from this for quite a while and I suppose my first post back ought to address that. Before I fell off the face of the earth – I wrote about trying to wade my way through the Big Sad – and things I was trying to do to remain in control while my emotions spiralled.
And yet, all my good intentions still left me unable to do the things I liked to do for about a month, while my brain went through some weird shit. And remember, its not my first rodeo, that’s why I was so confident in the days of yore that I actually could talk myself out of feeling depressed.
I suppose I’m being a bit mean about my past self. The awareness I had coming up to my impending sad really did help, I was able to get ahead of my personal engagements in a way that allowed me to do absolutely nothing except fulfil my day job’s duties and feeding my cat for a solid 4 weeks.
It also allowed me to recognise when I was in it that it would eventually end, in a weird way it was the happiest Big Sad period I have experienced to date. Maybe that’s the key thing to keep in mind – progress should be incremental – otherwise its just a miracle.
I should also address that I have actually been okay for the last few weeks and haven’t yet posted on my big internet diary. I thought for a while that I just didn’t have anything to write about but that’s not true, since my own personal journal is a-flowing these days.
What it actually was, was that I had run out of ways to express my thoughts for a little while. I was still experiencing life and the phenomena that comes with it, I just couldn’t bring myself to frame it in a way that is understandable.
I needed that few weeks of being okay, of showing myself grace, resting from the Big Sad, that allowed me to come back naturally to this very strange form of expression. I’m glad to be back anyway.
Until next time x