If you saw my last post you saw how I took a Mental Health Weekend a few weeks ago to try and pull myself out of the ever-strengthening tide of the Big Sad.
Unfortunately on the same weekend, my childhood pet died, so we were pulled in anyways ladies and gentlemen. But its not all bad because I’m getting back on track as we speak, I just want to do a bit of reflecting on how its all going here in Sad Country.
I’m not like, depressed every day or anything, I tend to just curl into myself and reduce as much input and output as I possible can. I don’t want to write. I don’t want to text. I don’t want to go out. The only thing I really like to do when I’m sad is read – because then I can shut out everything else for a little bit.
And yeah yeah, escapism isn’t a cure for sadness, blah blah blah. But it does help, and I come out of a book feeling like there’s at least some creativity and hope in the world. I do enjoy a good book, lemme tell ya.
And really I get so bad at answering things that it seeps into my daily life. Not only am I avoiding my phone but I start ‘unhearing’ things my boyfriend says to me. He’ll have to repeat himself about six times for me to fully comprehend what he’s saying.
Its strange because I do still feel that miasmic control over it that I talked about in my last post. I’m still working out and making dinner and cleaning the house – but I’m not really fully here, I’m back home and I’m ten years old and I’m playing with the puppy that can fit into my tiny hand.
I guess this whole post is to say sorry to my mom for not texting her back – and my friends – but mostly my mom because she misses our dog too.
I’m wading through the big sad and I can see the end of the ocean but I’m not sure I want to get out just yet. It’s a strange kind of addiction – sadness – when you’ve finally learnt to live your life around it, you don’t really want to say goodbye to it.
But I’m working on it.
Until next time x