As in, reflecting on the therapy I’ve already had, not thinking about going in for some of that helpful, emotional, chatty chats. If you catch my drift.
I think it’s funny how sometimes we feel like we shouldn’t mention needing to have therapy, or that we’re struggling, unhappy, or just dissatisfied. In this day and age, everyone is of course living the social media life.
I’m so happy! Look at my partner who I love so much! Look at this fabulous dinner that cost me 10% of my paycheck! Look at my body, I’ve lost 5 pounds!
A constant stream of ‘look at how great I am’ that we feel we need to portray even in our real lives at this point. At least I did, for ages, I couldn’t even admit to myself that I was unhappy.
But to be honest, I didn’t really have a reason to be unhappy. Everything in my life was hunky dory. Job, Partner, Prospects. We don’t need anything else, right? God did I feel guilty for being unhappy.
So eventually I decided that enough was enough and I wanted to be fixed. And I mean I wanted to be fixed. I don’t want to spend the next 5 years of my life going over all the shitty things that have happened to me. In my head that’s what therapy is, reliving all your woes until you realise you’re stronger than them…you are not your inner child…blah blah blah.
Not to say that stuff doesn’t serve some people, I definitely know people who have benefited from that approach, but it’s just not for me dawg.
‘It’s gonna be a no from me, dawg’. God what actually happened to Randy Jackson?
I spent a long time looking for the kind of therapy that suited me. I wanted a logical perspective that would snap me out of my hazy cloud of self pity without dragging me through my traumatic past.
Cue the angel music. The drum roll. The curtain fall.
Boom. Choice Theory my friends, what a discovery. What a monumental epiphany it was, realising that I actually have a choice over my own reactions to things. I control everything! Me!
It sounds obvious, but lordy lord did I need the epiphany. As someone with anxiety, I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts and feelings and spirals. That I couldn’t do anything about it. You get it. You’ve been there, if not…then we are all jealous.
Choice theory made me realise that people don’t hold power over me or my decisions, that a preconception about me doesn’t have to prompt me into action, disapproval does not have to send me to pits of despair.
No matter what I do, I cannot control others. Like hell if they can control me. Can you believe it took me seeing a professional to realise that?
But not just that, therapy gave me a whole lotta confidence that makes me want to weep because its just so freaking beautiful.
Head over here to check out my takeaways from my short time in therapy, and catch my other episodes when you search for The Confused 22 Podcast on Spotify, Deezer, Podchaser or Podcast Addict.
Until next week x