No, the shit parts of me are not strawberry Yop bottles, as the picture might suggest, but best believe I got some of those in my trashcan too, baby.
While I do think my own self induced title is pretty hyperbolic, its technically true to what I’m working on recently – some epic sweet spicy self reflection – and what it really is referring to, is all the characteristics of myself that I realised don’t serve me anymore.
Now, I am a big believer in radical self acceptance, I love that people are different, bold, sullen, facetious, serious and all the other peopley adjectives. Its not that I want to get a bigger butt because I don’t like the shape of mine (terribly false) or that I’m dying to get a haircut so I no longer resemble Cruella de Ville (painfully true). I simply sat analysing the traits that I have and show, that are not helping me reach my end goal of happiness.
Of long-lasting peace. Enlightenment. Joy. Blah blah blah.
You get it.
Its not easy to sit with yourself and impartially look at all your self-destructive qualities and I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re not coming from a place of self love. I also made sure that I know not to hold myself to this list with iron grip. At the end of the year I’m not gonna say ‘well I still procrastinated in 2021 so I guess I am truly a garbage person!’
No. The list is there so that I can benchmark the qualities that bring me further away from experiences and emotions that bring me joy, and make a concentrated effort to let these go. I am tossing them in the bin, not shoving them deep down in shame and avoidance. Uh uh, internet – look at my emotional rubbish – and revel.
Okay drama aside, I actually really enjoyed this process and it helped me realise that even the parts I don’t particularly like about myself have likeable qualities, I just need some focused perspective and redirection to manage them.
So from my horrible habit of bad cat jokes to anxiety spirals, I conjured a list of seven aspects I want to change/accept/slightly alter so they don’t turn me into a depressed zombie.
You can check out the list on my podcast via link here, or search for The Confused 22 Podcast on Spotify, Deezer, Podchaser and Podcast Addict.
Have a lovely week x