I think a common idea that springs up for most twenty somethings these days (at least I hope so because otherwise I’m an absolute outlier), is the thought of what we actually want out of this existence.
Not like expensive cars or nice houses, not even having loads of friends and starting a family. I mean, what do you want, for yourself, who do you want to be one day? And that gets really hard because we can bulk up the answer with arbitrary words that don’t really point to anything. I want to be happy. I want to be rich. I want to be loved.
Which are all totally valid and beautiful things to wish for. You do you, baby.
But let’s think for a moment that we could actually go deeper. If we weren’t defined by what we did, or what we had, or what we felt on a regular basis, what are we defined by? This a difficult one, and I’m not even sure I’m close to an answer.
I have given this a fair amount of thought, however, because anxiety never seems to let anyone just breathe a little. Dude, I can’t remember the last time I sat thinking about absolutely nothing. Truly the dream.
But anyway, through my anxious mind spirals, I think I may have found some sort of answer to it. And it involves the kind of vague/unachievable goals I mentioned earlier. Currently the goal I’m working towards, anxious people in the back you’ll understand, is to find serenity. To be able to live in silences and feel calm, without my brain moving a mile a minute, that seems too good to be true. But we push on.
So what am I defined by, if not my goal? The people I love? The things I value? It scares me to propose that I am defined by my thoughts. Because they are fleeting and honestly not often very kind, not often very calm.
I think the answer to it, is to approach it from a further step back. Why am I here? What is my purpose? That, I feel, is easy to answer. I feel like I exist because one day I can help a large amount of people move through difficult times. My actions and my goals reflect that, as steps to make my purpose a reality.
So by that vein of thinking I can define myself as a person who wants to better the lives of others. What I actually want, is to be able to bring my dreams and values into fruition, which will result the serenity of fulfillment.