Immature and In Love

The next few paragraphs are going to be a discussion about love and relationships. I don’t know the answers that lead to a perfect romance, none of us do I think, but maybe we can sort through a few ideas to come somewhere close.

Being in love is as amazing as it is confusing. You hardly ever are completely sure that you’re in it until it’s tested. Until circumstances place you against the person you care about and your love for each other is the only thing that pulls you through it. Tricky thing, to only be recognised when threatened, no wonder half of us are afraid of it.

Of course, it’s not all that horrible and cynical. Some of it at least. The parts that give you goosebumps simply by looking at a person. That helps you overcome things you thought would always keep you down. Opens up your mind to the possibility of allowing a person into your life. That is just beautiful.

My experience with love is varied, I’ve been infatuated from the very start till the very end. I experienced the slow steady burn that ultimately is not enough. I’ve experienced the bliss of silence with someone who knows just how I think.

But recently I’ve been thinking about how we care for the love that we’re in. How do we maintain our relationship, sustain it without getting fed up of all the effort it takes? How do we know how much communication is ‘good communication’. How do we know that we’re doing it right. I think this came about because I want to get it right this time. I want it to work. I covet the love that I have and I want to be smart about it. And yet, is this the right way to go? Would I be better off letting love take it’s course? Am I being controlling in my attempts to understand how it works, so that I can keep it around?

The truth is I don’t know what the right answer is. I am trying so hard to approach it with maturity, since I’ve been trained from so young that it is the killer of relationships. (That’s a completely separate discussion. Why are our young romances not taken seriously? Reduced to immature flings?) But in all the warnings I have received through life, to be as mature as possible in my relationship, I still don’t know what that means.

It’s easy to say that communication is a pillar of maturity. But think about that, which form of communication is so god damn mature? Are sheltered arguments that lack the screaming but also the expression of feelings, mature? Are long silences, devoid of conflict but also connection, mature? Is the middle ground, arguably the route of least resistance, mature?

For a long time I have struggled with this, weighing every aspect until I’ve come to my own conclusion, only to be shaken of my resolve moments later. I can only hope that the very exploration into the topic is the right step. I have no where else to be led.

Possibly the scariest thing about love is that you cannot plan it. It is different in every circumstance, for every person, on every separate instance. It alters us all in unpredictable ways. The answer to one relationship cannot be the answer for another.

So I am simply wondering if looking for the answer is the answer. It would bring me a lot of peace, if that were the case.

Published by Shell Spotted

Art, Insight, Travel

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